New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
