if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize