my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
