Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
