Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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