They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
