if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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