OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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