I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
