Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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