just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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