you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
