y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize