Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
