Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
