lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
