I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
