I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
