there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
