Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
