I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
