when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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