after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
