Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
