if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize