Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize