There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
