So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize