I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
