we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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