Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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