I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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