im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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