turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
