Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize