pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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