just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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