Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
