i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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