Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
