It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
