I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
