Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
