what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Houston, we have a blender
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
