so that wasnt chicken after all
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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