So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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