Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
