I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
