I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
