I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
