I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
