yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
