Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
