His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
