I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
