just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
