I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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