i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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