Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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