Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
