I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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