your parents love me but you hate me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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