New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
