Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
