Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
