why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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