Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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