I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
