Will you blow on my dice?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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