I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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