The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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