My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
