Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
