I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
