Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
