R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
