All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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