Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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