I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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