Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
