Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
