At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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