I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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